i had an unfriendly visitor and so marcus is at the store buying me midol without me even asking him, and for that i will forever love him.
while he was away, i got to thinking:
there are many things i am afraid of about someday being pregnant.
i'm afraid of how my life will change.
i'm afraid of what it will be like to have morning sickness.
i'm afraid of all the changes my body will go through that i probably don't even know about right now.
i'm afraid of any complications that could happen.
and i'm afraid that it could just not ever happen at all.
but one thing i'm not afraid of is if i'll be well taken care of.
marcus has shown me that he does that exceptionally well.
never has he failed to impress me as i lay on the ground crying in cold sweat or rocking over a trash can with throw-up on my mind (and maybe some in my hair).
he holds me up or lays me down.
he runs to get me water or stays put to rub my back, and all the while shows me perfect compassion--
a kind of compassion i've never mastered and doubt i ever will.
i love that man i married, more than i can ever remember as well as i do when i'm sick, and if i have to be sick to remember that special feeling, then i can at least look forward to that side-effect.